Week 8 (second DubbaWa)

sup Yos!

Here we is fellas! my second win, bringing the grand total of wins to... (drumroll)...TWO. yeah, not too impressive considering that I've already lost the first six. but damn it, don't it feel better than being 0-8. And although no one in da league will admit it, they're all trickling in their pants right now. they see me in the rear view, and imma charging on em like day-old grade D meat at da taco bell. Just a week ago, they were laughing at a possible winless season on my behalf, now they're all thinking to themselves: "oh no, what if he comes back. his team is actually damn good. oh no. what do i do? what do i do? can't lose to Tony. I'll never hear the end of it. He'll laugh. He'll talk. He'll start blogging it about it. oh no. oh no."

That's right fellas, look who's no longer in da league cellar. Look who suddenly is in second to last place and moving to the east side. Yours truly. I isn't out of this yet. you have been warned. going after that third Dubbawa this week. Sorry sammy, you know how much i hate viet on viet violence, but circumstances have put me in a no-choice situation, and i'm goin to have to put waste to your team this week. Just please, don't take it out on my family.

But, nothing i write can trully capture how threatening I am about my intention to come back, so I'll just say that it's a notch below this guy's intensity. that's right. just imagine me right now in facial war paint, roided out of my mind, screaming at the top of my lungs about how some heavenly powers have enter my being and given me the duty to destroy my opponents (that's you guys), all the while hiding behind my golden belt and oiled up physic; that's pretty much where I am at right now. but more controled and in the parameters of a fantasy football insanity. you have been warned.

1.Eric
2.David
3.Khai
4.Sammy
5.Wayne
6.Albert
7.Hon
8.Jaymin
9.Me
10. Mike

Viagra's Longest Man of the week: ME AGAIN BIATCHES!!!!!!/ a personal best of 131.13 inches

Generic Viagra's Shortest Man of the Week: SkunkSauce / 55.93 inches

week 7 ( 1st Win)

i got my first win of the year. parts of me want to scream: fuck yeah! but celebrating the first win out of seven attempts would be very douchebaggerish, like Manny Ramirez staring down each and every one of his homeruns with disregard of the actually score.I can't do that. Like i said before: eyes on the prize. And the prize for me is, and will always be, the championship and the zero reward money that is promised to the winner. That's what i want. That's what i'll get.

But for the few of those in da league who wanted to see the embarrassment of a winless season fall upon me, i kindly say to you(s): sup biatch(s)?!?!?!?! Not going to get that. No freakin way. U really think i would go winless? me? I laugh at you all, and threaten you with my eventual comeback to fantasy demi-god status. You have been warned.

Funny, how one win has suddenly reawaken my optimism. Yes. i know, i'm still dead last with a 1-6 record, but it feels damn good to finally say, i got one victory. In the words of the great philosopher Llyod Christmas, i would like to say: "so you're telling me there's a chance." I know they're laughing at my almost delusional convictions, but i still believe it. i can still win this league. A six week scoreless streak might be unbearable for some, but i weathered tougher and longer droughts only to come back as a better fantasizer. 1-6 ain't nothing to me fellas, hell i came from a family of six, 1-6 is just the motto we struggle by. shiet.

All that being said, i would like the thank the lord for reattaching Steven Jackson's groin back wherever it had torn off from. I had many offers to trade him, and looking back with hindsight, maybe i should have, as my team stunk to a 0-6 start without him, but he's my boy. there were good offerings, and lowball offerings, but I stuck by him, and now i hope to reap the benefits for my loyalty. It has been a long long four weeks. come on karma police/regulators/dispensers, show me some fantasy loving.

standings:

1. Eric (5-2)

2. Khai (5-2)

3. David (5-2)

4. Hon (4-3)

5. Sammy (4-3)

6. Albert (3-4)

7. Hung (3-4)

8. Jaymin (3-4)

9. Mike (2-5)

10. Me (1-6)

Viagra's Longest Man of the week is: Me!!!! biatches. ( | | +++ | | ) / 129.77 hard earned inches

Conversely,

Generic Viagra's Shortest Man of the week is: " . " /56.97 inches

Week 6 ( 0-6)

this is unbelievable. another week, another lost. du ma. and to who? khai, el skunkier. there's something so wrong with this fantasy football season. honestly, i'm going mad. i can't believe i 've lost six games. i'm not use to losing like this, and can only reference the horrid decade of cheering for the 90s warriors to cope. it's going to be a long long season. ironically, the warriors seasons begin soon, and i'm hoping that will lessen some of this fantasy sucking.

random rants in my head that surfaces far more frequently in the past six weeks:
"f everybody and everything related to this stupid game, f y'all!

On the other hand, I got a chance to go to Jaymin's ballz-forfeiting ceremony this Saturday, otherwise known as an engagement party, and it definitely shone a light that i needed to see. Seeing Jaymin and Benita definitely reminded me that there is this other side of life that sometimes gets overshadowed in the realm of fantasy, this thing most people call reality. and i feel like i can speak for most of us in da league when i say to jaymin: congrads, we're proud of you. Seeing you up there with your girl; getting ready to start a new chapter in your life made me realized that perhaps marriage is the path i need to take to soften the pains of fantasy football. perhaps sucking in fantasy is the path i need to take right now, so that i can be a better adjusted individual in reality. yes. that's it. that's the ticket. fuck fantasy, welcome back reality.

Reality: i'm 0-6. my team is hurt. i'm only two games back from albert and mike. three games back from fifth place. fantasy football is full of momentum swings. fantasty football is crazy and still fun. lets roll with it.

Standing:
1.david (5-1)
2.eric (4-2)
3.khai (4-2)
4.hon (4-2)
5.hung (3-3)
6.sammy (3-3)
7.jaymin (3-3)
8.mike (2-4)
9.albert (2-4)
last. me ( 0 -6)

Viagra's: Longest man of the week is : Team Viagra / 139.05 inches
(shameless corporate-whoring eric, shameless)

conversely, presenting this new weekly feature:

Generic Viagra's: Shortest man of the week is: ( *_*) / 51.37 inches

(Sorry to implement this new feature on your lowest week hon, but i got nothing else i want to blog about, certainly not my last place standing.)

Week 5 (0-5)

I have absolutely nothing to say. (Well maybe just a little bit) This just sucks. The fantasy gods must be fabulously beautiful goddess, because they are some of the cruelest of bitches. I lost by one fucking point this week. 1 point! OH IT HURTS SO BAD.
This was my week. I had it in the the bank. All of Jaymin's team had played, and I just needed 16 points to win. It was all gravy when the only player i had left got 14 points by the end of the first half. It was done, all he needed was a twenty yard catch and I was well on my way to the getting that first W. I was relieved, kicked back a bit, started daydreaming all the ways i would celebrate my first win. And then the second half started without... Jennings.

"In the locker room with a shoulder injury, return is questionable," the sideline reporter said. I gave up all hope. resided that i would and always be a loser. Thought about all the ways i could hide from the world (or the league). and then, when the Chicago bears got the lead in the Fourth quarter; with two minutes left in the game, Greg Jennings came back. This was when i knew, that my season was meant for a rebound. This was the beginning of a storied comeback that Frave is a legend for, and this was the storied comeback that Jennings was destined for, and this was the beginning of my own comeback to win this game and eventually this stupid league. And then... NOthing. Game over. Greg Jennings didn't get so much as a head nod from Frave. I had lost by one point. one point fifty three points to be exact.

Now i'm in no man's land. NOt even the rapist himself, eric, has been where i am right now. O- 5. I'm threading my own path ast they say. It's not scary being 0-5, it's plain annoying, cuz now i got to lizten to the inevitable snickering behind my back about my managerial skills. It's really just the last place any fantasy football vet like myself would want to be, but here i am. and it really sucks. however, one good has come out of all this losing, in one of my many recurring depressive fantasy football bouts last week, i realized there's money to be made from misery. If only there was a national hotline for winless fantasy football owners, and if it charged $1.99 per minute, the owner of this hotline would be rich, rich, rich!!!! why can't it be me? stupider and more nonessential things have been profited on, why not a hotline that saves borderline fantasy losers from what the japanese phone-net-tic-cal-ly pronounce "(Har-rah-kee-ree)."

It's a mission that will prolong the existence of many fantasy football leagues. I know this would work because i myself feel the need for paid-telephone operators to emotionally support me in this time of great fantasy fear. That is the only good that has come out of being 0-5, this, and the fact that i'm going to be matched-up this week against khai's team. Those are the two only positive so far.

standing:
1.hon (4-1)
2.david (4-1)
3.eric (3-2)
4.khai (3-2)
5.hung (3-2)
6.mike (2-3)
7.albert (2-3)
8.jaymin (2-3)
9.sammy (2-3)
10.moi (0-5)

Viagara"s Longest man of the week is: ( *gay*) / 94.63 inches

week 4 (0-4)

I have officially hit the point of no return. Being 0-4 means i have dug myself a damn deep hole, a hole that only one player has ever climbed out of. I will definitely seek the advice of Therapist himself, eric, to get myself out of this. I don't know what to do, and i don't know what to say. Being 0-4 just sucks. It sucks, damn it!!!

But you know what, I'm just building up the drama. This is what we (in the business of fantasy football domination) call building up the drama. Sure, i could have done a few things better and be sitting at 4-0 right now, but what's the fun in that? Positioning myself at 0-4, then coming back to make the playoffs will only add to my legacy This is when i turn it on; flip the switch; hit the pedal; go super saiyan. Many will think this is pure horse shit denial, but they just don't understand, I have no problem living my life in pure horse shit denial. Hell, "fantasy" itself is the denial of reality, is it not? and if that's the case, then damn it, I have been champ for a while now. My only real competition really is Hon, our resident WOW guru.

Nothing has been agreed on, and i won't do it till the whole league agrees on it, but there was talk about last place team being kicked out of the league. As it stands right now, I am currently in last place. Leave it to those chicken shit to wait till the year that I'm 0-4 to talk about exile. I do believe tho, fresh blood should always being infuse into any group to keep the league fresh. But i just can't imagine being kicked out of this league, a league that i help in its creation. I am the founding father; I spermed this league into creation, these fools would be nothing without my sports lust. I can see it tho, my final exit. It would be very much like that movie Judge Dredd, you know, when stallone is sentenced to death because he can't act, and his mentor, chief judge something sacrifices his career to save Stallone's life by taking the "long walk" out from the giant metal gates of da city and into da harsh dessert. That's how i would feel, the city is the league, I'm that old chief judge, and that long walk would be my prize for finishing in last place, and i guess the dessert would be into the arms of another league.

It's okay tho, because i going to do everything i can to not come in last. that's just the way it's going to be. But just in case i have to take that long walk, i do want to remind the league this one thing. That judge ended walkin the whole dessert to make his grand reappearance in a cave, where he shot two goons in the back with a laser gun. If I get kicked out, I'm doing the same. see you goons in a cave somewhere. so in the words of stallone, "ididnaaacreeetadisleeeegue, iiiaaaaaaamdaleeegue"

week four standings:
1. eric
2. hon
3. david
4. hung
5. khai
6. albert
7. mike
8. sammy
9. jaymin
10. me

Viagara's Longest man of the week: Player / 95.50 inches