fantasy 07 recap

it's all over. The fantasy football season of 2007 concluded last week with david taking his third league championship. Hung, in his very first playoffs, couldn't shake off the model franchise of our league. It was more of the same, David riding L.D.T once again to the championship. Which of course will bring up the proverbial questioning of why the rich keep getting richer, and the poor get nothing. With david picking up his third championship, khai's two championship, and eric and hon's one a piece, i realized that seven years of our lives have been devoted to this thankless game. Why is it through seven years, that basically four people havem won, while the other six have not? This bell curve is heavily slanted to a certain privileged group of four. Maybe that bell curve that they taught us in math class, the one that supposedly dictates the rule of percentages favoring the majority and most average of people, the one that looks like a bountiful upside down tit, perhaps it was a wrong. Seems like everything i have seen with my own eyes from society, sports, and fantasy now all point to a thermos rather than a bell. Hear me out. That tit, i was just referring to, imagine it as the metal cup that is screwed on top of every thermal canister. Everything that matters or worth processing is in this cup, sport winners, money, power, is located in this cup, and everything that sucks: losers, poverty, discrimination, all that is represented in the canister part of the thermos. There's just a more plentiful supply of have-nots, than haves. More losers in this world than winners. More debt than wealth; more people in debt than those whose benefit from wealth. Perhaps this is the natural shape of all matters in life, a thermos rather than a bell. If that bell curve once represented what an average math class will score in a one semester, than the thermos model, particularity the canister part, represents all the people that won't even get the chance to take that math class. yes, that seems to be the only model that makes sense to me. The metal cup of normalcy is where i seek to be, And right now, i'm definitely in the thermos, with no fantasy championship, looking to just climb into the shadows of that elitist cup.
I mentioned in first post that there's an actual reason why we play this game knowing that there's a chance we won't even get a cash prize. now, that the season is over and I' in last place, i can honest say:

I don't know!

It's just fun, i guess, to know that you can look at your friends and say with complete certainty:

I'm better than you!

well, i guess, i'm still waiting for my chance to do that. always next year to fantasize.


Final standing:
1. david
2. hung
3. eric
4. khai
5. jaymin
6. mike
7. hon
8. sammy
9. albert
10. me

Week 14

Chaaaampionship Week.

It's week 14 and a good 80 percent of the fantasy player out there have lost the opportunity for a championship. They are in no better position than I have been since week 2. This increasing pool of fantasy losers will undoubtedly lead to a rating's hit for the nfl. The nfl machinery have nothing to fear though, they can fall back on the consistent crop of gamblers, true fans, mediocre play-off bound fans, and fantasy championship teams to ensure their television dominance.

What's a guy to me to do? a guy whose fantasy team is 2-14. A guy whose real team (the niners) are 4-10?A guy, like me, who really has nothing left to risk, because, he has no team, no fantasy team, and no money to bet on games. i guess i can avoid watching the nfl, and perhaps spend a sunday getting stuff done, but i won't. Truth is, even though realistically, I have nothing of monetary and emotional value to stake on these games, I'll still be watching this up coming week. It's not that i don't have anything better to do, i have many things that i absolutely have to get done. but, The true fan is an optimist (perhaps even boarder line delusional) because when he has nothing left, he starts making up stuff in his mind to justify watching. And that's what I might be doing now; make-believing I have something to cheer for.

In the spirit of hunter s thompson (a true niners fan), i took a lot of drinks and hits and watched th niners-bengals game last week. and in the spirit of a delusional nfl fan, I am now ready to proclaim that the niners days of competitiveness will be under the Shaun Hill Era. Shaun hill, their one-intentionally-downed-snap-in-six-years journeymen, will be the next niners qb hero. This city will demand for it, and it will be so. Like in chicago where the team's history as defensive bullies has shaped it's modern team, or in dallas where an offensive history has shaped it's current team, so will the niner's history shape it's rebuilding efforts. The niners history is simple, find motivated qbs capable of playing in a precision offense. It is what the fans know as a proven structure for success, and it is what they'll demand for. So get ready in the upcoming weeks to hear this Hill rhetoric around the bayarea.

Alex Smith for all his smarts, does not fit into this formula. He was a number one pick, who was guaranteed his job by the sheer size of his first contract. It was never meant to be. Shaun Hill,( a "stick with it, the whole world might think i suck, but i don't"), is the type qb that fits into that history. And the quiet arrogance of a reject was in full display last saturady when he lead the niners to a 20-10 victory, and fielded what clearly was the most reliable niners offense of year 2007.

Perhaps it was because it was the first nfl game i ever watched, but the niners-bengals last week reminded me in so many ways of the niners-bengal superbowl match of 84. it was john taylor's immortalizing touchdown catch at the back of the end zone that simultaneously hooked me onto the niners and football. Now with my fantasy championship dream on the shelf, I can remember again what i originally cheered for.., and that was the niners. That new niners begin the proceed of recollecting their history last saturday night under shaun hill. Watch out for this guy. He's got what joe montana and steve young had-- a small money deal and a lot to prove. It's a long process to climb atop the NFL mountain, but every journey begins with a single step, and every mountain top reached begins with one Hill.

Chalk this up to fan-overzealous delirium and an afinity for Warren G., but it's now: The Shaun Hill Era, (step to this...i dare ya).

Week 14

i believe this is week 14, the start of fantasy football playoffs for most. i can feel the anticipation, the angst, and the want...from those participating. For those that didn't make it to the playoffs, there's nothing but contempt for your fellow man. I didn't make it this year. I didn't even make it into the toilet bowl this year. nope. That's what happens when you finish dead last in your league; they don't even allow you to play with the other losers. The distinction is cold, and sobering. It's like honor roll night, there's the principle honor roll recipient, then the regular honor roll recipient, and then below them are the kids that aren't even invited. I was the kid who printed out his own certificate, and rewarded himself with a trip to the comic book store for such an authentic looking forgery. I guess not much as change. but it's not all bad, being dead last and playing a team like jaymin who himself is already out of it, means I have nothing to play for, and so i can bench my players for disciplinary actions without anyone accusing me of tanking. I think that's what i'll do.

But now that the playoffs are here, I can predict the winner of this league with 25% accuracy. so with further ado,

FAR EAST LEAGUE playoff predictions:

1 vs 4 bracket:

eric's heads vs david's period: both names sound equally gay. deuce.

qb: Brady vs Warner, without a doubt this is brady's year. advantage eric.

Wr: Losing roy william for the rest of the year sucks for the lions, losing roy williams for the next two weeks, sucks for fantasy owners. David's team loses a big play threat, and now fields a wr cord of chambers, colston, and james jones. pleasant only for eric. Advantage eric.

RB: David's team however still benefit from a better rb duo of always-reliable LT, and recently hot Fargas. Eric's team has to rely on a talented gore who suffers from 25+ touches of wussy play calling, or a half a workloading/ full o-line freeloading chester taylor, or alexander the paid. advantage: david

TE: Winslow and Gates. I'll give this one to eric cuz of the easier matchup winslow gets with a NYJ D, compared to one of the top D in the Titans that Gates get. Also, because winslow is a motherfucking soldier, while gates was a motherfucking basketball reject. advantage eric.

Kicker: nobody vs crosby. deuce. kickers don't matter

D: Chicago up against a mourning redskin team, and Pitt vs the best offensive team. advantage Eric.

my prediction is: David

2 vs 3

Khai's el skunkier vs Wayne's period period: advantage khai. what's two period as a team name anyways.

qb: Romo vs Palmer, a match up of two young strong-armed qb with good wrs facing bad teams. duece.

wr: TO and romo will allow wayne to double dip, but a healthy hold and johson gives khai the edge at wr. advantage khai

rb: a toss up really, but khai has easier matchups with lewis going up against da jets, and kolby smith against a struggling denver team. advantage khai.

te: clark has burn the ravens before, and he'll do it again because harrison is still out. advantage hung.

kicker: don't matter

D: da vikings up against da niners O at home. enough said, advantage khai.

khai wins match ups: 3-1, my prediction khai and hung get into a sissy shoving match, and khai goes home crying because he'll get bounce early.

That's it.

Week ????

with my 2-10 record, there's simply no joy left this fantasy season. The only morsel of joy left for me is to see that others know my pain. This is petty, but damn it, it's something. In fact, it's the only thing left. So, this week against wayne, it is pretty much my superbowl. You're going down my friend.

current standing:
1. eric (9-3)
suffered his first lost in a month after purposefully not starting a kicker.

2. david (8-4)
his team just keeps going strong. 5Ws in a roll now.

3. wayne (8-4)
luck out with diddy's "just kick it" coaching maneuver; reminiscent of one former Detroit coach.

4. khai (8-4)
scraping for another playoff appearance.

5. sam (6-6)
break em sam! break em!

6. mike (5-7)
now a dangerous team once again because bulger and johnson are playing hard again.

7. Albert (5-7)
still in it, and playing hon this week. things are looking good.

8. jaymin (5-7)
at least there's usc left

9. hon (4-8)
still in it, and playing albert this week. things are looking good.

10. me (2-10)
If my win totals were doubled, I would be second to last place.

viagra's longest man of the week: THAT TEAM / 146.40 inches

conversely,

generic viagra's shortest man of the week: Kaiascunt / 66.80 inches

week 11(another lost, it's over)

How over is it for me? Well lets just say this, the fat lady isn't just singing anymore, she's now naked and, apparently, dancing as well. That's how over it is for me. Eric, I owe you one steak dinner at the local pho shop. Don't know what I was thinking when we made that bet.


Stanndings:
1. eric
2. hung
3. david
4. khai
5. sammy
6. albert
7. mike
8. hon
9. jaymin
10. me

Viagra's Longest Man of the week: .. /144.77 inches
Conversely,
Generic Viagra's Shortest Man of the week: KaizACUNT / 49.63 inches

week 10 (2-8)

by far this is the worst fantasy lost of the year. not only did i lose, but I lost because my favorite football team hung an embarrassing donut on Monday night. and worst yet, i lost to albert, the reigning bottom-dweller of the league for years now. This guy is what I am now: the last place team forced to think about next year's league because his team is already out of it in mid-November.
Being 2-8 means that ur buddies will take jabs at you. Even albert, the now reclusive albert, can divert from his hiding place to post this:

I would like to thank...

...Frank Gore for wanting the ball on fourth down.

...the worst offense in NFL history.

...the worst team in the NFL.

...All all the niner "Busts."

and last but not least...the cunt.

Thanks for the win guys!!!

Normally, I would talk shit back to this sly form of shit talking, but after enduring this season and experiencing what albert must have gone through (the shame, humilation, all that) I simply can't. Instead, I would to offer an apology.

I'm would like to apologize...

...to the leauge, because I couldn't beat albert.

...to all viets out there for losing to a flipino.

...to albert because he is flipino, or pinay.

and last but not least, for the essay i'm going to blog as soon as the lions miss the playoffs.

This ain't over cuntboy. better gets em in now while you have the chance, cuz next year, next year's going to be different.

STandings:
1. eric
2. david
3. hung
4. sammy
5. khai
6. albert
7. hon
8. jaymin
9. Mike
10. me, again.

Viagra's Longest Man of the Week: THAT LAST PLACE TEAM / 111.47 inches
conversely,
Generic Viagra's Shortest Man of the Week: fuck/ 62.07 inches

Week 9 (2-7)

Thanks sammy. So much for avoiding viet on viet violence. Doubled me up like I was the fat kid walking the mile. But you were the longest man of the week, no shame in losing to the LMOW.

Dear League,

I'm ruined.

Current standing:

1. eric 7-2
2. david 6-3
3. sammy 6-3
4. khai 6-3
5. hung5-4
6. albert 4-5
7. hon4-5
8. jaymin 3-6
9. me 2-7
10. Mike 2-7

Viagra's Longest Man Of the Week: Lions 07 6-10 =*( / 161.93 inches**

Conversely,

Generic Viagra's Shortest Man of the Week: (*_*) / 84.84 inches

** denotes: season best length